Getting divorced?
The emotional roller coaster can be rough. Most of the attention is paid to the legal divorce process and documents, but the psychological effects are more impactful than most people anticipate.
TLDR:
Divorce is the second most stressful life event a person can experience. Only the death of a spouse is perceived as more difficult to manage.
Knowing what is happening to you on the inside during this process is the difference between getting through it or not.
What’s Inside:
- Mental Health Effects
- The 5 Emotional Challenges of Divorce
- Dealing With Divorce Stress
- When To Get Professional Help
Mental Health Effects Of Divorce
Did you know?
Studies indicate that 20-25% of adults struggle with depression or anxiety during the divorce process. That means 1 in 4 people divorcing will face significant mental health issues.
Familiarizing yourself with advice on the divorce process in Colorado or the state the divorce is taking place in can help you manage the unknowns. When you are forced to take the legal divorce process steps of filing paperwork, separating assets, and working out custody, the emotional impact builds rapidly.
The numbers get even worse…
Divorcees are 23% more likely to develop clinical depression than people who remain married. Anxiety disorders affect up to 40% of adults recently divorced.
These numbers aren’t just statistics. They represent real people suffering and trying to function from day to day.
The Emotional Stages of Divorce
The majority of people experience the divorce process through a set of emotional stages.
Expect to experience:
Denial sets in first. The fact that the marriage is over and a divorce is happening can’t be believed. The desire to try to reconcile even when you know it is futile is strong.
After denial comes anger. Explosive rage at your ex-partner (or at yourself) engulfs you. This is the stage that can last weeks or months depending on the individual.
Then there is bargaining. Thoughts of “what if” and “if only” play on repeat in the mind. Following this there is often a period of depression.
Acceptance is the final stage. Not happiness, but the point at which moving forward is possible.
Knowing these stages of emotional divorce can help you recognize that what you are going through is normal. It isn’t a sign of weakness. It is the human brain reacting to major life change.
5 Emotional Challenges Of Divorce
Loss of Identity
In marriage people build a life together. They create a shared sense of identity between the two of them.
When that shared identity is gone people lose their sense of self.
Who am I without them? These types of questions run through a person’s mind on repeat. Friends, family, social life, living situation, daily habits. Everything that used to make up who they were has to be reconfigured from the ground up.
This loss of identity is much more difficult to deal with than most people realize.
Financial Stress
Money issues compound every other challenge.
Lawyer costs, splitting up assets, doubling up on housing. Suddenly two households cost more than one.
The average woman’s income post-divorce is down by 25-30% on average. This is a reality many women face when they suddenly are responsible for all of the costs on their own.
The economic insecurity combined with the other stressors of divorce lead to overwhelming anxiety about the future. Can we pay the bills? Will there be enough money for rent? Will the children be able to stay in the same school? These questions never go away.
Loneliness and Social Isolation
Divorce is like an earthquake in a person’s social world.
Friends have opinions and often take sides. Couple activities and social events disappear. Some people self-isolate due to shame or embarrassment.
The isolation makes recovery next to impossible. We are social creatures that need to connect with other humans during the hard times the most.
Co-Parenting Challenges
Having children multiplies every challenge by a factor of 10.
You are no longer just responsible for yourself. Your decisions directly impact a minor child that you are legally responsible for. You have to communicate with an ex-partner on a daily basis about the children.
The stress of putting children first, managing the personal grief and challenges, and working with the other parent is exhausting.
Grief and Loss
The end of a marriage is a death.
The death of a relationship, the dreams you had for that relationship, and the future you had planned.
Grief is normal and healthy. The problem is most people want to rush through this stage of recovery or try to ignore it completely.
That just doesn’t work. Grief bubbles up later in unhealthy ways.
Coping Strategies That Actually Work
A strong support network is critical.
Here’s what works:
Surround yourself with friends and family that provide authentic support. Build a network of other divorcees in groups where you can share and compare experiences. Connect with people that have been through it before and lived to tell the tale.
Professional therapy can make a world of difference. A skilled counselor will help you process the emotions, develop coping strategies, and break the cycle of repeating relationship patterns.
Your physical health directly affects your mental health. Exercise is an antidepressant and anxiety reducer in itself. A simple 20-minute walk every day can help.
Developing new routines creates stability. When everything else in life is up in the air, daily habits and structures provide a sense of control.
Avoid these coping mistakes:
- Self-medicating with alcohol or other substances
- Making life-changing decisions impulsively
- Jumping into a new relationship too soon
- Shutting down from supportive people
- Ignoring the body’s physical health needs
Professional Help And When To Get It
The recovery period for some people is relatively short. For others it can take years.
If depression and anxiety continue past the 3-month mark, professional help isn’t an option — it is a requirement.
Warning signs professional help is needed:
- Self-harm or suicide ideation
- Inability to work or function at home
- Abuse of substances increasing
- Total social withdrawal
- Physical health rapidly deteriorating
Therapy is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a tool to help you through one of the most difficult life transitions.
Therapists who specialize in divorce recovery have targeted skills and experience that generic counseling can’t match.
Moving Forward
Divorce is a trauma. The emotional shock waves reverberate through every aspect of a person’s life.
Depression, anxiety, grief, financial stress, loss of identity. These all pile on top of each other. Awareness of the challenges you are going to face and the coping strategies to combat them make healing possible.
The key is allowing yourself to take the time you need to heal.
Most people take 2-3 years to fully transition into their new post-divorce life. This seems like an eternity but is realistic. Rushing the process or repressing the emotions just extends the healing timeline.
Support networks matter. Professional support matters. Self-care matters.
With the right mindset, people come out on the other side of divorce stronger and more self-aware than before. The pain is temporary. The lessons last a lifetime.
TLDR; The Takeaway
Divorce is one of the most emotionally stressful life events a person can experience. Coping with the divorce stress of mental health issues, common challenges, and healthy strategies is possible.
The statistics are staggering — divorce results in high rates of depression, anxiety, and other stress-related disorders for most people. These challenges don’t have to define the whole experience though.
Keep these points in mind:
- Emotional difficulties of divorce are normal and expected
- Professional support is critical for positive outcomes
- Connecting with supportive people is vital for healing
- Physical health directly impacts emotional health
- Patience is required to get through this process
Divorce is hard. In fact, it may be the hardest thing most people face. But you can survive it. With the right people around you and healthy coping mechanisms, you can manage the emotional challenges of the divorce process.
Take it one day at a time. Reach out for help when needed. Trust the process.
The other side of divorce is a place of clarity, self-growth, and new possibilities that would not have been possible in an unhappy marriage. The journey to that place just takes time and commitment to emotional self-care along the way.
Meg is an author at Cinnamon Hollow. She writes on a variety of topics sharing tips and ideas for daily life.
