Sometimes, even though we pray and put our faith in God, He says no.
Once again, I’ve had a pregnancy end in loss. The last was in September. Then at Christmas we found out I was expecting again. Hubby and I had decided to try just one more time. At that point, I had miscarried 5 out of those 10 pregnancies.
My kids and I were sick all throughout January and the first part of Feb. At first I thought, aside from being sick, that everything was ok. But on Feb. 16 I started spotting and cramping and my blood pressure was really high. I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound and discovered there was no fetal heartbeat. Again.
I prayed and prayed for this baby to be ok, but God said no. And although I don’t know why, He does and I have to be ok with that. That is sometimes easier said than done. My faith is still as strong as ever and I put my trust in Him but it is SO hard to not question his answer. So very hard. :0(
My sweet baby made it to around 10 weeks and then passed away, and this past Saturday, at 12 weeks, I had to have a D&C because things were not progressing naturally. That makes 6 times now. 6 times I’ve had to say goodbye to an unborn baby.
I’ve been pregnant 10 times. I never in my life imagined I’d be pregnant that many times. I certainly never planned to but life takes us in directions we don’t plan sometimes. I have 4 gorgeous children. I am truly blessed. But 6 losses is devastating.And even though the thought of never carrying another child is heartbreaking, I finally have my head and heart in the same place. I was SO sick with this last pregnancy. I haven’t been off the couch since New Year. I just can’t do it any more.
So now what? Now I focus on my health and losing weight, getting my blood pressure under control and my family. My husband and children need me and I see now that I can’t do the things I need and take care of them when I am pregnant. My body can’t handle it.
Anyway, I’m sorry for rambling on. This post probably doesn’t make a bit of sense right now. I just think I needed to write this and get it out there. This is the first step in grieving and healing.
Thank you for being here.
Crystal is a stay-at-home- mom, living in KY with her husband and children. She is a travel and lifestyle blogger encouraging folks to live their life one adventure at a time while also focusing on beauty, health and lifestyle. From time to time she also likes to showcase her adorable pets along with her family. Along with Cinnamon Hollow she can be found at The Martin Family Adventure … read more