Going through a divorce can be challenging…
For kids? It can seem like their whole world is ending. Fortunately, parents can limit disruptions and create stability to help children thrive during and after divorce.
Here’s the deal…
When it comes to divorce, stability doesn’t just mean keeping your routines consistent. It also means making smart choices during your community property division that will protect your children.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
- Why Kids Need Stability When Going Through a Family Transition
- How Your Community Property Division Impacts Children
- 5 Ways To Create Stability For Your Kids
- Mistakes Parents Make During Divorce
Why Kids Need Stability When Going Through a Family Transition
Did you know…
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 31% of Americans will experience their parents divorcing before they reach the age of 18. That means nearly one out of every three people experience a divorce before reaching adulthood.
Children thrive on consistency.
So when their parents split up, that stability is rocked. But parents can rebuild that security through intelligent planning and clear communication.
How Your Community Property Division Impacts Children
Your divorce doesn’t just impact you and your spouse.
In fact, kids are often affected by community property division decisions more than parents realize. Where a child will live, what school they attend, and even their quality of life depends on how you and your spouse divide assets.
Arizona is a community property state which means that each spouse has a community interest in assets obtained during marriage. Families homes, cars, bank accounts, business interests, and debt are all split evenly during divorce. Working with an experienced Scottsdale Family Lawyer can help you make informed decisions when it comes to protecting your children throughout community property division.
Selling the family home during divorce is just one example.
If children must move out of the family home during divorce, they lose more than a place to live. They lose their bedroom, neighborhood friends, and sense of “home.”
By contrast, parents that work together (with attorneys as needed) to create a strategic community property division can keep their children in the family home until graduation. In many cases, this decision makes the most sense when parents prioritize creating stability.
It’s also important to understand how courts calculate your community interest in certain marital assets. For example, the family home. Divorce courts will look at your mortgage payments throughout marriage and determine if the home has appreciated in value. Keep this in mind when negotiating with your spouse.
5 Ways To Create Stability For Your Kids
Maintaining stability for your kids takes work.
And it starts with you the parents. Co-parents that want to create a stable environment for children need to take action.
Let’s dive into five things that will actually help…
Keep a Consistent Routine
Predictability is comforting to children.
They need to know what to expect each day. Bedtimes, meal times, and homework schedules should be the same in both households if possible.
Or try to be as close to possible as you can. Things like pizza night on Tuesdays are small things that provide your kids with comfort. They may not even realize these things help maintain stability, but they do!
Age Appropriately When Talking To Kids About Divorce
Kids need to know what’s going on, but they don’t need to know everything.
It’s important to reassure younger children that both parents love them and divorce is not their fault. With older children, provide more details about what’s happening, but avoid making them a confidant for your problems.
One tip? Don’t speak poorly about the other parent.
This puts kids in the middle of the divorce and can cause loyalty issues that harm your children emotionally.
Make Housing Decisions With Your Children In Mind
Recent statistics show that almost half of all divorces include children under the age of 18. Making decisions that allow kids to maintain their current housing arrangements can help with transition and keep stability.
If possible, allow children to stay in the family home (at least for a while). This will give them comfort that things aren’t changing for them too. If living in the family home isn’t possible, try to find a new home in the same school district.
Develop a Comprehensive Parenting Plan
Ambiguity leads to arguments.
Things like holiday parenting time, school activities, and who does what should be outlined. Addressing these details in a parenting plan will reduce conflict between you and your co-parent down the road.
Parents are encouraged to reach an agreement on their own in community property states. If you and your spouse can come to an agreement on your own, you’ll have a stronger parenting plan.
Prioritize Your Child’s Emotional Wellbeing
Some kids need extra support.
Monitor your children for changes in behavior. Declining grades, loss of friendships, eating/sleeping changes, or anxiety can all be signs that your child may need professional help. Don’t be afraid to seek out counseling or therapy to help your child.
Mistakes Parents Make During Divorce
We all make mistakes but try to avoid these…
Allowing kids to relay messages. Doing this forces kids to be in the middle of the divorce. Instead, communicate with your co-parent directly.
Discussing finances in front of your children. Arguments over finances should be kept private. No child needs to hear you and your spouse fight over community property division.
Making promises. If things can change, let them. You don’t want to promise your kids something just to take it away later.
Dating too soon. Children will need time to adjust to the divorce before they’re ready to meet your new partner. Plus, introducing a step-parent may cause more instability.
Neglecting yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of your mental and emotional wellbeing so you can be there for your kids.
Your Children’s Future Matters Most
Life after divorce is just that…life.
The decisions you and your spouse make during divorce can help children succeed in the future or create conflict.
Children from low-conflict divorces tend to fair much better than children whose parents fight. Don’t become a statistic, put your kids first like they deserve.
Wrapping Things Up
Creating stability in children’s lives starts with you the parents.
Parents that want to create stability during divorce know that how they approach community property division matters. So does keeping routines consistent, age-appropriate communication, and decision making that puts your kids first.
Let’s review:
- Communicate with your co-parent without speaking poorly about each other
- Keep your children in the family home during divorce if possible
- Be consistent with routines kids know and love
- Create a parenting plan that covers as many details as possible
- Seek counseling or therapy if your child needs help dealing
Creating stability for kids during divorce is possible. Parents that take the time to plan and put their children’s needs first can align themselves to successfully guide kids through life changes.
Every decision you make during divorce should be done with your children in mind. From where they live to how they view relationships, everything your kids see matters.
Make it count.
Meg is an author at Cinnamon Hollow. She writes on a variety of topics sharing tips and ideas for daily life.
