Divorce is always difficult, even when the terms seem to be amicable enough. This can be especially true of splitting from your partner of several years and there are children involved. Just as when you were living under the same roof, there are bound to be times when there is a disagreement over the kids. Even so, for the sake of everyone involved, it is important to remember that the children are often the ones who suffer the most. In light of this, being supportive of your partner, even after a split, can help the kids adjust to the divorce with a minimum of emotional stress. Here are some tips to help you through one of life’s most difficult times.
Continue to Be There When Needed
In most divorce proceedings, family law solicitors will help you draw up a custodial agreement. Even if you agree to shared parenting, there may be times when you are asked to switch days or times. Perhaps your ex-wife has a work-related function she needs to attend out of town, but it falls on days when she has the kids. Although it may be a bit uncomfortable for you to make adjustments to your calendar, being supportive of her needs would mean stepping in when needed if at all possible.
Ask How They Are Doing
A bit of genuine concern never hurts. Even though you are no longer married and you no longer share the same roof, it helps to know that your ex-partner genuinely cares about your wellbeing. Beyond asking about the children, you can ask if she is managing okay. Is there anything you can do to lighten her load?
Perhaps she’d like you to take the kids a few extra days to give her time to sort a few things out. Maybe it’s dad who needs a few extra days to himself but mum will never know unless she asks about how he is doing. Being supportive of your ex and caring about their wellbeing also impacts the kids, so it is doubly important.
Encourage Them in New Pursuits
Often there are times when one partner or the other didn’t pursue a lifelong dream because they feared it would interfere with their marriage. After the split, they’ve taken the initiative to widen their horizons. Maybe it’s going back to university to further their degree, or it could be opening a shop, something they’ve always wanted to do.
Encourage them in their endeavours. This will help to show that you have a genuine concern for what it is that they want from life. Just because you have split doesn’t mean that you don’t want to see your ex to continue growing. In fact, the opposite should be true. Everyone fares better if both partners go into the next phase of their life with a sense of accomplishment.
All Is Well That Ends Well
As the old cliché goes, all truly is well that ends well and this is especially the case when splitting from your partner. If you continue airing grievances, no one is the better for it. The friction continues and everyone involved will feel it, especially the children. There is no reason to continue any of the same issues that led to heated arguments if you stop to consider how little those issues mean now that you are leading separate lives.
Even though you may no longer wish to be married doesn’t mean that your ex hasn’t found a partner that makes them happy. Being supportive of new relationships that bring the smile back to their face can do much to ease the tension. If it doesn’t have a negative effect on you or the children, it pays to be supportive. A little support, after all, can go a very long way to amicable relations going forward.
Meg is an author at Cinnamon Hollow. She writes on a variety of topics sharing tips and ideas for daily life.